Christmas notes

Is it me or are the holidays getting more difficult?
Two years ago mom and dad were in the nursing home-—mom recovering from fractured femur, dad in the same room because we all worked and he was not able to stay home alone. I cooked for 2 days and the day of dinner brother Mike was 2 hours late, daughter Amber 4 hours late, brother Dennis didn't want to enjoy since mom and dad were not home. Amber and I ended in a shouting match and made for a very unpleasant holiday.

Last year Christmas was good but as soon as we opened gifts with my family, James and I had to drive from Nashville to Hilton Head to see his brother Abe.  Abe was diagnosed with cancer in April and by Christmas, he was at the end of his days.  Very emotionally draining and Christmas was just another day for James and I.

This Christmas was equally stressful and yet another unhappy one all in all. Don't misunderstand me, the family time and gifts were wonderful and I am grateful to have each and every one in my life.  Mom has been so sick this year and coupled with the loss of her last two family members this year and one last year, depression engulfed her like a thick fog. She has been in a motionless, uncaring battle with life and close to giving up completely. I feel sure if God would grant her a wish this year, she wouldn't be here with us tonight. I wish I had magic words that would make her better but I'm at a loss. Her mind is not sharp, her memory is delusional at best and the emotion she shows most often to me is anger. I assume it is because I am with her most of the time and I encourage her to walk, which she refuses. She sleeps most of the time these days. She goes to bed at night around 6:30, wakes up in the morning around 7:30. goes into her recliner and cat naps until 10 then back to bed for a 2 hour nap. I try to get food in her between all the sleeping. She finally is somewhat awake around 2:00 and watches TV until dinner and it starts all over again.  I did the shopping for us both for all the gifts and food, cleaned, cooked, wrapped etc along with the usual care and was still in the Kitchen when everyone arrived. Feeling tired but coming down the home stretch at 8 pm when my daughter says "I talked to ninny and she said she's depressed because you are overbearing". Seriously! I have never been overbearing in my entire life, are you kidding me! Definitely not one of my best ending days. merry christmas...

Give Me Roses While I Live

     After 18 years I was laid off off from work and began receiving emails, texts and calls from vendors, friends and co workers. They told me how sad they were but also told me conversations we had and how something I said or did impacted their life. I had no idea and began wondering how many people had made an difference yet had no idea because it had never been said. I am starting this blog  to record inspirational moments others may he be impacted by as well. 

     

     The first I will add was from me.  I lost a very dear friend to cancer 7 years ago. She and I worked together many years side by side and had lunch every day together. She was a natural personality that everyone loved. I adored her and felt a huge void. At the funeral the only thing I could remember was the owner of our company hugging me with sincerity and said "she loved you so much". That has always sit in a special in my heart and I thank him for the kind words and will never forget the moment.

I'm interested to hear your story.

Kickin' Out

This is a new phrase that caught me off guard last night after talking to Mom and Dad. Dad has stoke damage to the brain with a touch of demential, Alzheimer's or what ever you want to call it. Its not pretty but occasionally it is interesting and even entertaining. 


Yesterday I discovered that my checking account had been hacked and I was explaining to Mom the procedures you have to go through to get it corrected by filing claims through the bank and making a police report. Dad said with a kicking motion combined with a karate fists said "She's Kickin' Out". Mom and I were puzzled trying to figure out his meaning, so he repeated the gesture a couple more times still to no avail,  we didn't understand. So he proceeded to explain in his terminology that it meant I was taking care of business. So there you have it. A new buzz word created by Arnold Troglen, my 81 year old father with and interesting thought process that I continue to admire.
Pat Troglen Lee

Cute Shoe of the Day (CSOTD)

Work or golf?

Really want to play but looks like work is the winner today...

I see faces!

feel like Im being watched

Maybe that is why

scary monkey face in the shower!

Frustrated Creator

I love more than anything to be in my studio creating, cards, embroidery, jewelry etc, you name it, I want to do it. I spend about 9 hours at the office, go home, and cook dinner for family, chat about the day and everyone is off to bed around 8:30. I find myself withdrawing from conversations so they will go to bed early and hopefully I can go create something. Every night, I seem to miss the opportunity to do that though. My husband worries about my health and wants me to go to bed for rest, uh huh, I know thats really what you want for me ; ). When I do get a few minutes, there are so many things I want to do, it is hard for me to settle and do something. I guess we all are like that to some extent. Oh well, maybe tomorrow night.

Hi ho, hi ho, to ER we go

Just as I was heading off to bed, Herd mom having difficult time getting comfortable. Just last Monday I brought her home from the hospital diagnosis, pneumonia and fractured vertebrae. This after being home 6 weeks after quadruple bypass. This after being home 6 months after surgery to repair fractured femur that kept her in rehabilitative nursing home. Eight months prior to that 3 back surgerys within 2 months. She has been through so much over the last Two years that it has taken a tole on her physically as it would any one. That makes Dad very uneasy since she is his primary caregiver as my husband and I are to both if them. Dad had a stroke a few years back and is in dialysis 3 days per week. Thank God that between My 2 brothers and James, we have managed caring for them through these later years. We are grateful to still have them with us as we are a very close family. Thank you again lord.

Get SIRI-ous!

So far, Siri and I do not work well together. It took me 20 minutes to get directions to a bar & grill across town and we ended in a bad exchange of comments. I definitely have Sybil SIRI.

Sunday

Sunday's use to be my favorite day of the week. It was my day to spend at my leisure whatever that may be. Now my day had turned to night. 9pm until bed time after everyone else is down for the night. Fed, dishes done and put away, laundry folded and put away, parents with their night time pills tucked in for the night at. 8:30. Whew...my time to watch recorded shows, sew, knit, craft or just think.

Aging Parents

This has been far more difficult than I ever imagined my adult life to be. My parents were only 74 and 76 years young when my husband and I decided it was time they were looked after a little closer. I received a call from Mom one morning around 5:30 telling me that Dad fell out of the bed in the middle of the night and was talking crazy. She laughed kinda puzzled like and waited for a reply from me. She said he was saying words that did not make any sense. I drove 20 minutes like a bat out of hell to pick them up and take him the the ER knowing all the while he had suffered a stroke. The ride was a maddening 30 minutes from the country through work traffic. It was amazing and frustrating how many people ignored my flashing lights and hand motions to move over so I could get through the traffic and hopefully save him but it was not to be. He talked like a little gremlin with run-on sentences in a suspicious tone and said the weirdest things. At one point there was a well to do African American woman in a white Mercedes blocking the road that would just stare into the rear view mirror as I motioned her to move. Dad said, throw some silver dollars out there on the street, when she jumps out to get them, run over her and I'll move the car, run her down, that will teach her. Now what you have to know about my dad is he has never said and unkind word about anyone, ever!

We finally made it to the ER and they diagnosed a stroke caused from hardening of the arteries. Irreversible, leaving him with a 50% memory loss and very over medicated. Mom was making it worse by giving him dramamine because his other medications would make him sick on car rides. That would make him sleepy but not nauseous , then she would get him a large cup of coffee to wake him back up when they reached their destination. It was a mess that I was not entirely sure how to tackle but the obvious start, the pills and doctor visits. My husband and I gave up our empty nest, stored most of our stuff, our daughter moved into our home—I was not ready to relinquish all my means of escape. Plus, the shape he was in, we were surprised he made it 6 months and never dreamed 4 years later we would be caregivers to both parents. After a couple weeks he was almost back to normal, could ride without getting sick and make conversation. He was out of a medical fog!

In less than a year, we learned the medication given to him during heart surgery caused kidney failure so in June of 2009 he was put on Dialysis 3 days per week in a town 20 minutes away. This starts a new chapter. Where did my life go?

Thanksgiving 2009

This morning, 6:30 am, I began cooking for the gathering at our house today. Yesterday I was in the kitchen from 5:30 to 10:30 pre-baking for the Super-bowl of dinners. I decided that I prefer Thanksgiving over all the other holidays even though I was tired of standing on that hard floor dodging every family member that came to check out the progress and beg for taste. Thanksgiving is a gathering of family and friends that expect no gifts or entertainment. A time when the simple act of saying grace with your loved ones over a carefully prepared meal is the most satisfying thing of the day for me.

Everyone has a favorite item to eat or prepare. I requested everyone bring 2 items this year to keep me out of the kitchen the whole time. Huh, that didn't work. Dennis (my brother) brought way more than anyone. He stayed up and cooked the turkey, new potatoes, creamed corn, glazed carrots and butter beans. Mom made the cranberry salad, sweet tea and pecan pie. Robin and Chynae (other brother, Mike's girlfriend and daughter) brought 2 coconut cream pies and broccoli cauliflower salad. I made a Pecan Toffee pie, Carrot cake, Sweet Potato casserole, Creamed Kale, homemade green bean casserole in a portabella mushroom sauce, (no cans!) Red and Green Cabbbage salad, 4 pans of dressing, gravy. James baked 2 fudge pies and the Ham. Papa simply taste tested every chance he got. Jessie, Chris, Haley, Arriana and Mogran came and brought a chess pie and a bag of rolls. Jennifer, Johnny, Jaylyn, Karsyn brought 3 packs of rolls and 3 boxes of boil in bag brussel sprouts uncooked. Dennis fixed them at the last minute. Bruce (my cousin) drove up from Huntsville to join us thankfully. We fixed plates for the children, said grace and fixed plates for us. After we all sit down, Amber, Barry, Blake and Tyler came in and brought 2 bowls of Mac-n-cheese, 2 platters of deviled eggs and peanut butter cookies. Thats 2 entree meats, 14 side dishes, rolls, cookies, 7 pies, 1 cake for 22 people. Too many calories, too many people in a small house, too cold to play outside, but too good food preps. Amen

Kathy Mays Ollenberger

Too much has happened over the last 3 years since my last post. I best friend Kathy surrendered to her Cancer after a long hard battle. Her positive attitude and life loving spirit kept her battling for 3 years. When she did decide to give up, she checked into Nashville's-Centennial Hospital with pneumonia, asked her daughter call all her close friends to visit on Saturday night for what would be the last night of her life. There must have been 60 people in the room that night. The nurse kept the doors shut so other would not be disturbed and let her enjoy everyone one last time. She was absoultely full of life, joking and telling old stories. She even said, dang, I wish I had my camera. At the time, it was a heart wrenching statement to hear, in hindsight, I think how incredible it would be to have images from her point of view. She made it throught the night and shut her body down around 10:00am on Sunday morning. Her heart beat was so faint but she was still in the room. The wonderful nurse told me she could still hear me, so I kissed her forehead, told her I love her and she was gone within two minutes.

The first two years, I cried at my loss, sometimes I could find a smile. Now I am able think of her without so many tears. I have had about 8 visits in dreams from her. I say visits because I know she was there, it was not my subconcious mind in restful thought. One very vivid meeting went like this. I was at lunch one day with 3 other friends when they decided to leave the table an sit at another. I looked at them strangely then heard Kathy on my right. (In life, she and I worked together and ate lunch nearly everyday) I asked what she was doing there. My heart felt light that she was back. She said "I miss Janes voice".( Jane was a long time family friend of Kathy's that has the most soothing peaceful voice.) She picked up her cell phone to call and I said, You can't call her on that one, it will freak her out to see your name come up on her phone, we'll call her on mine. I dialed Janes number and Kathy listened to Janes voice as she said Hello?...Hello? then Kathy used a sharp object like the end of a screw or nail and on a wire bird cage, and picked out the tune Happy Birthday to you. then it was all over, she was gone. The next day I remembered every detail but I had no idea what it meant. I decided to call Kathys brother Mike to tell him the dream. Mike said, you have to call Jane, her birthday is in 2 days and Kathy never forgot Janes birthday, or anyone's for that matter. When I called Jane to tell her about the visit, I could hear the great sadness lift to an overwhelming relief and she told me, The last thing Kathy said to her was, I'll find a way to get back, I'll never miss your birthday... I had no idea. Kathy and I were spiritual sisters and she knew if anyone would be receptive to her messages, it would be me.

Blog 

Papa

I mentioned my family has had some unfortunate events, one of them being a year ago yesterday. Mom called me early one morning to tell me papa, (my dad) fell out of the bed during the night and started talking nonsense. Having just read the Sweetpotato Queens book, I knew it was a stroke. I drove like a bat out of hell to pick them up and drive them to the hospital. By then it was too late, the damage was done. Papa had suffered a stroke that erased 50 % of his memory.The doctor explained for instance, if a person with normal brain function was driving down the interstate and suddenly a bag of trash was in the road, they would swerve around and keep moving down the road. With dad's brain , he travels down the highway but if he runs accross the trash in the road(black spot in his brain) he swerves off the road cannot get back on track, but dosen't realize he is off track. All his motor functions were still fine though. He can walk, and talk and you would never realize anything had happened untill a few minutes pass. He had always been a practical joker and a very funny man so when he makes a funny now his meaning can be two sided. You look at him and wait for a slight smile and sometimes a wink. Then you know at that particular moment, he is in there. Other times he looks at you then glances away, not holding eye contact with you, it is then you realize he does not know who you are. He likes to go out in the yard and stare up at the white lines in the sky left by jets. Strokes victims can have symptoms that mimic alsheimers and can even throw a person into full blown Alsheimers. It is very difficult to watch him at times. A friend once told me with alsheimers, you have to suffer the loss two times. Once when they initially begin to suffer the disease, you watch as the person you know and love do odd, strange things completely out of character as you know them, and another when they pass away. He is still with us (sometimes) and we are so grateful for those moments. Today he asked the indoor plants beside moms dinner table if they were going to join us for dinner. We all just smiled and pretended not to notice. Maybe it is Gods way of bringing a moment of humor to a otherwise heartwrenching ordeal.

On a good day, Everyone in my family is well, no illnesses, My daughter has made it another day raising 2 small boys alone, my pal Kathy is at work and not having to deal with her demon "cancer", I didn't work a long day at the office, everyone is happy, James & I rest in the evening snuggled beside one another, and I can smile knowing everyone close to me is safe for one more night.

History of me

Morning Glory!
That was the first phrase I heard most mornings in my young life. Back then it was not a welcome thing to hear especially during my teen age years, the morning after a late night party. Whew... I'd have paid mom to keep the blinds closed and let me sleep half the morning away to recouperate. In our house, what mama did, said or thought was the way it was. Can I hear an amen? Mom has beautiful choir type vocals, so after she would walk into my room, open the blinds and say ever so cheerfully "Morning Glory", she would step into the kitchen (the room directly beside mine!) for coffee and begin to sing, Oooh whaaat a beautifuuuul Mooorning!, Ooh what a beautiful daaaay! It was the source of great irritation to me then. Now it brings a smile to my face.

I was the third and last child in our family, with two older brothers, me being the only girl let me tell you there was favoritism going on in our household. I was and still am "Daddy's little girl". My oldest brother being the first born and six years older than me, never was around much. I don't know where he was now that I think back but I don't remember him being home much. Mom was and still is closer to my second brother than any of us. I truly did have a "Leave it to Beaver" life. We still amazingly live within 20 minutes of one another. So today I have a sort of "Pollyanna" outlook on things. Not to say we have not had our share of unfortunate events however, a charmed life is to date how I would summarize my life, most thankfully!