Christmas notes

Is it me or are the holidays getting more difficult?
Two years ago mom and dad were in the nursing home-—mom recovering from fractured femur, dad in the same room because we all worked and he was not able to stay home alone. I cooked for 2 days and the day of dinner brother Mike was 2 hours late, daughter Amber 4 hours late, brother Dennis didn't want to enjoy since mom and dad were not home. Amber and I ended in a shouting match and made for a very unpleasant holiday.

Last year Christmas was good but as soon as we opened gifts with my family, James and I had to drive from Nashville to Hilton Head to see his brother Abe.  Abe was diagnosed with cancer in April and by Christmas, he was at the end of his days.  Very emotionally draining and Christmas was just another day for James and I.

This Christmas was equally stressful and yet another unhappy one all in all. Don't misunderstand me, the family time and gifts were wonderful and I am grateful to have each and every one in my life.  Mom has been so sick this year and coupled with the loss of her last two family members this year and one last year, depression engulfed her like a thick fog. She has been in a motionless, uncaring battle with life and close to giving up completely. I feel sure if God would grant her a wish this year, she wouldn't be here with us tonight. I wish I had magic words that would make her better but I'm at a loss. Her mind is not sharp, her memory is delusional at best and the emotion she shows most often to me is anger. I assume it is because I am with her most of the time and I encourage her to walk, which she refuses. She sleeps most of the time these days. She goes to bed at night around 6:30, wakes up in the morning around 7:30. goes into her recliner and cat naps until 10 then back to bed for a 2 hour nap. I try to get food in her between all the sleeping. She finally is somewhat awake around 2:00 and watches TV until dinner and it starts all over again.  I did the shopping for us both for all the gifts and food, cleaned, cooked, wrapped etc along with the usual care and was still in the Kitchen when everyone arrived. Feeling tired but coming down the home stretch at 8 pm when my daughter says "I talked to ninny and she said she's depressed because you are overbearing". Seriously! I have never been overbearing in my entire life, are you kidding me! Definitely not one of my best ending days. merry christmas...

Give Me Roses While I Live

     After 18 years I was laid off off from work and began receiving emails, texts and calls from vendors, friends and co workers. They told me how sad they were but also told me conversations we had and how something I said or did impacted their life. I had no idea and began wondering how many people had made an difference yet had no idea because it had never been said. I am starting this blog  to record inspirational moments others may he be impacted by as well. 

     

     The first I will add was from me.  I lost a very dear friend to cancer 7 years ago. She and I worked together many years side by side and had lunch every day together. She was a natural personality that everyone loved. I adored her and felt a huge void. At the funeral the only thing I could remember was the owner of our company hugging me with sincerity and said "she loved you so much". That has always sit in a special in my heart and I thank him for the kind words and will never forget the moment.

I'm interested to hear your story.